How easy it is to start a new project, only to have your motivation leave you behind. How easy does it become to quit then. How easy turns hard can never stop surprising me. Ruler of the universe, what is this you have created for us? Does it feel just to you? Was it planned? Did you make a mistake on us?

I am a man of many projects.

And there is one I haven’t quit. I am on day 143 out of 180 days of reading the whole bible, front to cover. Why is that? Are you messing with me, Ruler of the universe? Do you only motivate me to read the bible? Is it a sign?

There are things I need to do and cannot, but the thing I don’t need do to, I can. I need to learn Latvian, as I am living in Latvia; I should improve my Spanish; I should exercise; I should work on my photography more. But I don’t.

Psychology tells us motivation follows action, not the other way around, and that it fluctuates, it ebbs and flows, sometimes being high, sometimes being low. The bible defies this rule, is there something deeper at play here? Does this project represent something bigger than just wanting to improve myself? What started as curiosity is quickly taking over my Spirit.

Who am I? A man of many failed projects? I need to learn Latvian, but it doesn’t seem important. I don’t want to learn this, rather hard, language. But I must, for the people I love and out of respect for this country that took me in and cared for me. Latvia is where my dreams will come true, and it deserves my dedication.

What may we take from this? Life is complicated. It is an experiment that we control, but live inside of. We can’t control all the variables, but some are under our purview. We must take all of our dedication and first put it into discovering ourselves. We must know what we want this environment life is to be. We must understand ourselves before we start pulling on the strings of fate

After we know what we want, we are able to follow the correct path, take the right decisions and get results. No results will come if we wander aimlessly. As for me, I’m still discovering myself, and the results I want will have to come later. Discovering yourself is a long and difficult journey, but one day I will be ready. And life will be all God wants it to be.